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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?